Common Misconceptions About Us Singles
(mostly the Mormon kind)
By Taren and Julianna (Check her out. Cause she's my roommate and she's awesome. And single.) Oh, and the many conversations had with Katelin (Hi Katelin!) concerning the topic of our single mess have been the source of much inspiration... just thought I should throw that out there... um, okay.
1. When we say we're fine -- we're doing great, it's all a clever ruse. In fact, we don't keep knives or other abnormally sharp objects around the house because by the time we get home after a long day we're just so gosh darn lonely and down in the dumps that the temptation to end it all is JUST TOO GREAT!
2. We define ourselves by our relationship status. Quite the contrary. You define us by our relationship status.
3. If we could just become the right person, then we could find the right person. Let's kick that theory in the butt right now, shall we?
4. That anyone with half a brain thinks or acts anything like those DB's over at Mormon Bachelor Pad, or the losers they "date".
5. That we are incapable of progressing past a 17-year old level of spiritually and/or responsibility. Adult supervision is necessary at all times. Even ward activities would take a turn for the worse, and mass pandemonium would ensue if the old marrieds weren't around to mold our feeble young minds. How can a single person possibly be expected to calculate the correct amount of rice krispy treats needed to feed 30 equally troubled youth? In all seriousness, it's like I've been attending an never-ending EFY session... for the past 7 years, and this time there is no guarantee that I will ever be able to get the hell out.
6. That we worry. Without constants reassurance and wise advice from 22 year-old newlyweds we would surely be lost in the valley of the shadow of death, unable to perform our day-to-day activities, always thinking in the back of our minds "WHEN? WHEN?! WORRY!!!" But here's the thing married people of the world: you're still not sure about a lot of things in your life, but you know that everything will work out. That things will work out according to God's timetable. Single people have this same assurance. Genius!
7. We're just so darn sexually frustrated. Grrrrrrr. At any moment we might A@#$@#$!!!!!L;KSJDFAOIEJNFDJ%&%*ADPIUPEWNVPOQWPOI##$##AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
8. I'm approaching 25 and I still enjoy such activities as miniature golf. Bowling. Nicklecade. Laser tag. Classic Skating. Scavenger hunts. Mafia. Disney Scene It? WHEN WILL IT END? I don't know of any married person who enjoys scavenger hunts. Why does my lack of husband make me any different?
9. Both of the single people you know will of course be perfect together, based on their singleness alone. If nothing else, at least they can bond over their love of miniature golfing and their lack of sextivities. As single as your bald and greasy, 36 year-old Dungeon and Dragon's playing co-worker may be, I just don't think he's the right guy for me.
10. That we don't want to get married. If leaders and concerned citizens didn't constantly remind me that I should be married, the thought would leave me and I'd sit alone in my apartment all day, surrounded by empty twinky boxes and Cosmopolitan magazines, glorying in the eternal singlenss of it all and lack of obligations. As much as I do love a good Twinky...
11. That we must be turning down opportunities right and left. That we turn up our nose to every potential suitor. That we don't "try" hard enough. Believe me, I could get married tomorrow if all I wanted was to be married. The bottom line is I don't want to marry just anyone. I want it to happen for me the same way it happened for you. Should I have to "try" to fall in the love with someone because I'm 24 and my biological clock is ticking? The only reason you're married is because you met the person you wanted to marry. It's a simple as that, really. Wouldn't you agree that it might be possible for someone to make it all the way to the rip old age of 27 without that opportunity ever presenting itself? Well? Do you?!
The biggest misconception of them all:
(Clever title? Eh? Anyone?... It's like singleness, only singlemess. Bahahahaha. I kill myself.)
(mostly the Mormon kind)
By Taren and Julianna (Check her out. Cause she's my roommate and she's awesome. And single.) Oh, and the many conversations had with Katelin (Hi Katelin!) concerning the topic of our single mess have been the source of much inspiration... just thought I should throw that out there... um, okay.
1. When we say we're fine -- we're doing great, it's all a clever ruse. In fact, we don't keep knives or other abnormally sharp objects around the house because by the time we get home after a long day we're just so gosh darn lonely and down in the dumps that the temptation to end it all is JUST TOO GREAT!
2. We define ourselves by our relationship status. Quite the contrary. You define us by our relationship status.
3. If we could just become the right person, then we could find the right person. Let's kick that theory in the butt right now, shall we?
4. That anyone with half a brain thinks or acts anything like those DB's over at Mormon Bachelor Pad, or the losers they "date".
5. That we are incapable of progressing past a 17-year old level of spiritually and/or responsibility. Adult supervision is necessary at all times. Even ward activities would take a turn for the worse, and mass pandemonium would ensue if the old marrieds weren't around to mold our feeble young minds. How can a single person possibly be expected to calculate the correct amount of rice krispy treats needed to feed 30 equally troubled youth? In all seriousness, it's like I've been attending an never-ending EFY session... for the past 7 years, and this time there is no guarantee that I will ever be able to get the hell out.
6. That we worry. Without constants reassurance and wise advice from 22 year-old newlyweds we would surely be lost in the valley of the shadow of death, unable to perform our day-to-day activities, always thinking in the back of our minds "WHEN? WHEN?! WORRY!!!" But here's the thing married people of the world: you're still not sure about a lot of things in your life, but you know that everything will work out. That things will work out according to God's timetable. Single people have this same assurance. Genius!
7. We're just so darn sexually frustrated. Grrrrrrr. At any moment we might A@#$@#$!!!!!L;KSJDFAOIEJNFDJ%&
8. I'm approaching 25 and I still enjoy such activities as miniature golf. Bowling. Nicklecade. Laser tag. Classic Skating. Scavenger hunts. Mafia. Disney Scene It? WHEN WILL IT END? I don't know of any married person who enjoys scavenger hunts. Why does my lack of husband make me any different?
9. Both of the single people you know will of course be perfect together, based on their singleness alone. If nothing else, at least they can bond over their love of miniature golfing and their lack of sextivities. As single as your bald and greasy, 36 year-old Dungeon and Dragon's playing co-worker may be, I just don't think he's the right guy for me.
10. That we don't want to get married. If leaders and concerned citizens didn't constantly remind me that I should be married, the thought would leave me and I'd sit alone in my apartment all day, surrounded by empty twinky boxes and Cosmopolitan magazines, glorying in the eternal singlenss of it all and lack of obligations. As much as I do love a good Twinky...
11. That we must be turning down opportunities right and left. That we turn up our nose to every potential suitor. That we don't "try" hard enough. Believe me, I could get married tomorrow if all I wanted was to be married. The bottom line is I don't want to marry just anyone. I want it to happen for me the same way it happened for you. Should I have to "try" to fall in the love with someone because I'm 24 and my biological clock is ticking? The only reason you're married is because you met the person you wanted to marry. It's a simple as that, really. Wouldn't you agree that it might be possible for someone to make it all the way to the rip old age of 27 without that opportunity ever presenting itself? Well? Do you?!
The biggest misconception of them all:
All hope was lost until the Ensign brought me this picture of anxiously engaged young adults from various ethnic backgrounds, who prior to posing for this picture weere, no doubt, singing hymns at the local nursing home.
Nothing brings hope like knowing you are counted among the likes of such exemplary individuals.
The End.
(Clever title? Eh? Anyone?... It's like singleness, only singlemess. Bahahahaha. I kill myself.)
